Are you really ready to declutter?
I had a client awhile back who was “drowning in stuff.” I could feel her stress over the phone and I wanted to help her feel less overwhelmed in her home. After our initial consult, we agreed I’d focus on the primary closet, hall closet, and kids’ toys throughout the house. Her homework assignment before the first session was to identify things she knew she wanted to get rid of so I could throw those donations in my car as soon as I got there (it helps to start on a high note!). But when I arrived that morning, there was nothing set aside. Not a single item. She did move some clothing items from the primary closet to a spare one, but those 8-10 items didn’t put a dent in the space. And I understood her rationale for saving everything. “I might fit in this one day.” “I can’t get rid of that dress - I wore it to my sister’s wedding.” “My kiddo loved that when he was a baby.” And so on, and so on. I did everything I could to help organize the spaces but even I felt underwhelmed by the end results. That’s because she wasn’t really ready to declutter. Sure, her house was driving her crazy but until she was ready to do the hard work - the emotional work - I couldn’t make the huge transformation she was looking for.
That client really helped me understand why it is so hard to declutter. Decluttering and organizing is usually thought of as one in the same, but they are actually two different disciplines. Decluttering focuses on getting rid of things you no longer need while organizing is about how to thoughtfully store and place the items you do have. I know some people who are actually very organized, but you can’t tell because everything is bursting at the seams. But there are a number of reasons why it’s so hard to declutter and until you feel emotionally ready to take the plunge, then I recommend you hold off on any big project. Otherwise, you will hate doing it and then never want to do it again.
So, are you really ready to declutter? Here are the questions you need to ask yourself before you tackle a decluttering project:
1) What would the end state look or feel like to you?
This seems obvious. Your end goal is to be more organized, right? But let’s dig deeper. Is this about making things easier to find? Having more space? Saving time cleaning up at the end of the day? And then, how would that feel? Would you feel less frazzled? More enabled? Any and all answers are great. But, you then have to get super specific. Almost like writing a performance goal or mission statement. “I want to maintain a clutter-free home in order to spend more quality time with my family.” Then….
2) What are the barriers to your success?
Again, this is about looking inward and getting clear on what the real challenges are. You may be naturally pretty organized but perhaps a life event happened and you were gifted a loved one’s possessions, for example. Why is it hard to get rid of those items? Are you worried about disappointing someone? Why do certain objects hold such value to you? The key here is to identify if the barriers are emotionally driven, financially driven (“I paid a lot of money for that”), or something else. Because unless you understand the root cause of your clutter, you can’t make meaningful changes.
3) Who do you need to bring on this journey? And are they ready?
Now that you have a clear understanding of your goals and the barriers you need to overcome, then perhaps the biggest challenge is making sure your loved ones are ready to declutter, too. This can be really difficult if you and your partner, for example, have differing views on what is and isn’t clutter. You may have little tolerance for stuff everywhere but they may not even bat an eye when at the boxes piled up in the basement. Or, you may have parents who keep bringing over items from your childhood. They may need to be brought along on the journey, too. You have to be ready to create boundaries with loved ones in order to declutter effectively.
I’ll also say this: I often hear that the kids are the culprits of the clutter but within reason (acknowledging neurodiversity can play a role), kids can learn new habits. My almost two year old is awesome about putting away his shoes because that’s part of his routine at school (It’s my husband who can’t seem to find the shoe rack……). If you are clear and consistent, they will learn to put things back in their proper spot and let go of things they no longer need. But you may need to be ok with it not being totally perfect - just focus on the effort & improvements.
4) How will we get on the same page?
Once you know who you need to bring along on the journey, it’s about setting clear expectations. This doesn’t have to be as formal as it sounds, but it is about saying out loud what you want to accomplish, how they can play a role, and how you will get there together. Much like most things in life, if you don’t say these things out loud - as obvious as they are to you- then you may encounter feeling resentful or mad with your loved ones. So you got to tell them why it means so much to you, not just what you want things to look like after the fact. Otherwise the other person may feel like you’re nagging or bossing them around (which no one likes). So perhaps have a family meeting or talk to your partner over a glass of wine. It can be a quick conversation and then you can revisit it as needed. These aren’t always fun conversations, but if you can’t do it, then your decluttering efforts will feel futile as soon as someone breaks from the game plan.
Alright, if you can get through those 4 questions and still feel empowered to tackle your decluttering project, go for it! It can all feel overwhelming but if you tackle a project at a time, you will start to see results pretty quickly. And if you don’t know where or how to start, I highly recommend you hire a professional organizer. As a NAPO member, I have the training and experience to help you come up with a plan and get it done. Because even if it feels like you're dragging your family with you on this decluttering journey, at least you’ll have someone cheering you on.
